Most of us, I think, are like little horror movies inside… at least the people of my generation seem to be, considering everything we’ve had to absorb and deal with… and yet, we’re all trying to pretend that everything about us is “normal” (whatever that is).

But I’ll tell ya, the way I grew up… not normal… not by any stretch of the imagination.

My life was ‘horror film’ too. I could tell you my story. Broken home…bad role modeling (drugs and alcohol)…poverty…emotional upheaval…a steep depression…loneliness…but from these weaknesses, I have had to build certain strengths. I have had to “self-help” myself, a lot. I try to learn and enjoy new things. Life is short. I try to create new patterns from this thread I am contantly spinning. And sometimes, because of my past, I can reach others with a few words of encouragement, and exhort them to make it through the tough spots they find themselves in right now.

But my past has ‘wired’ me to do this…to be an exhorting influence in people’s lives, if I can…it’s how I feel loved…it’s how I feel needed. And it’s been that way since I was a child…when I had to exhort my mom to be happy when I was three years old and my dad left us. And, you see, Aine, I know this about myself…and I have learned to solemnly accept my essence, as it is…and I want to keep on living, and not just “be” (exist), but “become.” I want to live a good and joyous and passionate life. That, to me, is being “normal.”

Don’t get too hung up with the idea that we are all just bits, bytes, or pieces of biochemical impulses arranged into certain patterns… there is much more to it than this. If anyone else could Be who you are, you wouldn’t be here. Your wife would be married to some guy named Charles, and your kids would be other people whom (it’s likely) you wouldn’t even recognize. Every person is unique to the overall “pattern” of the multiverse, and each has the ability to change that weave of reality in whatever way they choose (free will). I tend to think of “it all” as a mind-bogglingly complex orchestral piece of music… we’re all singing / playing our parts, no one else can do it for us, and it’s a never-ending complex variation on a theme. Actually, I’ve heard the music myself (details can be found in my other blog, in the FAQ category, I’m too lazy to go look for the entry right now, but it has to do with whether I believe in God or not).

Pie didn’t write it, and I’m not Pie, nor have I ever been to your forums before.

Still, thanks for all the traffic, forum members. Glad you liked this post, too.

*waves*

You’re amazing, Aine, and I think you know how highly I regard you - and how kindly

I’m also playing around with a wiki or two, tons of social networking memberships/pages/profiles, tagging apps, bookmarking apps, and on and on it goes. Sometimes the pages lay in rest (like this blog currently is, at least until winter sets in), although sometimes I never get back to some of the social networks I have pages on because there are just too many of them to deal with (plus I lose interest and move on to the next new thing that Irma points me towards — hehe).