Eolhtyr
lately the way i’m feeling
i’m surprised i don’t hate your guts
i wonder how many years
i’ll keep thinking about you
and remembering us
while i hide my thoughts
behind this mask of “everything’s fine”
i lay awake at night alone in my bed
thinking about all the things you said
and i think of you way too much
the years pass by, my hair turning grey
and only my misery for company
it still hurts as if it just happened
i’m flinching at the sound of your name
told constantly i am no one important
and everyone i trusted betrayed me
so you see why i’m so suspicious
when told that someone loves me
a place i’ve been but never seen
and it always comes with a price
that i, suffering, alone must pay
December 19th, 2004 at 7:31 pm
Sometimes the things we most regret losing are things we never really had, or sometimes, things we can only get by giving them away.
A Sonnet for a Lady’s Sadness
How difficult it is to understand,
That Love is not a gift which we receive.
It’s not a debt whose payment we demand,
Nor cloak to hide behind, when we deceive.
True Love cannot be fashioned into chain,
To hold another’s heart and keep it near.
To do so brings one just the sharpest pain,
While fear of loss, can only bring you tears.
We’ve heard that Love’s a gift, and this is true,
That brings with it the greatest joy of all,
And though no one can give the gift to you,
In giving Love, you’ll never stand as tall.
To know the gift of Love, just set it free,
The gift of loving you, I give to me.
December 20th, 2004 at 12:27 am
it was the single most perfect love i ever had, and though this person is gone, the love endures… even as it pains me…
(hours later, after meditation):
my pain and my sorrow… it’s a distraction in the sense of advancing along my spiritual path, isn’t it?
painless lucidity
sorrowless Light
serene luminosity
By meditation upon Light and upon Radiance (and the transcendent inner Light), knowledge of the Spirit can be reached and thus peace can be achieved… free from sorrow.
December 20th, 2004 at 2:24 pm
You answer your own questions, correctly. Rejoice that you have had a perfect love, but know that you may have many. Love is not a manifestation of your ego, while sorrow and loss are. Love comes from the depth of your soul. It is a light that grows as we grow, strengthening the essence of our being as we give it. Love is the light and the radiance you meditate upon.
In peace, and love,